Regardless of their chosen profession, what Tiger Woods, Dr. Benjamin Carson, Oprah Winfrey and Venus and Serena Williams have in common is not their race, money or level of education; what they have in common is good old fashioned, down-to-earth, excellent parenting. Most parents would like to believe that there is some type of magic in raising successful children because it relieves them from the guilt of not giving their children the proper spiritual, psychological, and emotional skills that they need to be successful in life. What do Beethoven, Thomas Edison, and Sigmund Freud have in common with Tiger Woods, Oprah Winfrey, Venus and Serena Williams and Dr. Benjamin Carson? You guessed it! Excellent parents. Quality parenting has nothing to do with whether or not a child is raised in a two-parent or single-parent home; what matters the most is the parent’s ability to instill in their child an impervious sense of self-worth, self-respect and self-love.

Listed below are the secrets to raising extraordinarily successful children:

Model appropriate behavior

1. Model the behavior that you expect from your child. Many parents believe that it is okay to tell their children, “do as I say and not as I do.” Studies show that if the parent smokes, there is a high chance that the child will also smoke. Don’t tell your children to read, when they have never seen you pick up a book. Don’t ask your children to clean their bedroom when your bedroom is a mess. I worked in the child welfare system for 13 years helping to reunite families. One of the most important lessons that I learned from working with parents whose children were removed from their home due to neglect and/or abuse is that even when parents didn’t think their children knew that they were using illegal drugs, drinking excessively, or having multiple sex partners; during family counseling sessions, the parents were surprised to learn that their children were always aware of their behavior and viewed them as hypocrites and liars. Do and be all of the things that you want your children to do and be.

Give them Self-esteem

2. Children see themselves through their parent’s eyes. When you smile at them they feel loved and accepted. Children are constantly looking into your eyes for approval and validation of their self-worth. Babies are capable of detecting their parent’s emotions that even the parent is not aware that they are emitting such as anger, guilt and sadness. If the parent refers to the child as dumb, stupid, or clumsy this is how the child will perceive herself. Do not call your child derogatory names because this becomes a part of their psychological dictionary of their self concept. Tell your child how wonderful, smart and intelligent he is. Tell her that it is okay to make mistakes and let them try again. Let the child help you make rules and consequences for breaking them for the home. Give them chores. Children, like adults, feel good about themselves when they feel that they are contributing to their own well-being to the best of their ability.

Teach Self-Discipline

3. Teaching a child to control their own behavior in spite of their moods or feelings is the greatest gift that a parent can give their child. Self-discipline will give the child the confidence to excel in every area of their life. Self-discipline is the skill that will help them understand when they have had too much to drink or that they need to get enough sleep at night to perform well on a test the next day. The secret to teaching self-discipline is to coordinate must-do-tasks with enjoyable activities. All children should have a study schedule. A time that is set a side just for doing homework. The study schedule should not conflict with their favorite television show, sports or other activities. Your child can reward themselves by spending time on their myspace account, talking on the phone or visiting friends.

Teach Critical Thinking

4. Teach your children to ask questions, gather facts and make decisions on their own regardless of the source of information. When you are watching cartoons or primetime shows with your children ask them if they think the show should have ended differently and why. Read stories to your children and ask them whether or not they think the story is plausible. Ask your child their opinion about various topics and ask them to support their answers with evidence. Giving your child the ability to think critically and analyze situations from various perspectives and viewpoints is the greatest gift that you could ever give them to live harmoniously in a multi-cultural society. When a child is able to critically think for herself and make rational sound decisions; they will be less likely to engage in sexual activity, use illegal substances or participate in gangs. They will be able to determine if their actions are taking them closer to their life goals or further from their life goals. Most importantly, they will not make their decisions based on whether or not they will be caught or punished by authorities; they will make their decision based on their conscience of what is right and wrong. Teach them that greatness is not always about having the right answers or pleasing others; greatness is about asking the important questions and doing what is right, even if you stand alone.

Sense of Purpose

5. Find out what your child is naturally good at and give them as many opportunities as possible to express their natural gifts and talents. Include these activities when helping them to do their home work. Study Howard Gardener’s 9 Types of intelligence and analyze which type of intelligence best fit your child. Read data about learning styles and determine if your child is a left or right brain learner, and how they best process data in terms of whether the information is auditory, visual or kinesthetic. Some children do not fit into society’s standard mode of intelligence and are labeled as academic poor achievers. However these same children may be gifted at building things, painting, drawing or creating music. It is important for parents to tell their children that they were born with the perfect physical and intellectual gifts and talents to make their dreams come true. Birds were born with wings to fly, not to swim under water. Let your children know that there is a special place in the world just for them. Teach them to appreciate who they are when no one is looking.

Mental Toughness

6. We have all heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but word will never hurt me.” Yet, we all know, that nothing hurts the human soul more than words. I bet you can immediately think of three or more times that someone has said something to you that hurt you so deeply that you could not sleep at night. You teach your children to be mentally tough by telling them that the most important person’s opinion of them that matters is their own and secondly, would be the opinion of someone who loves them deeply. Tell your child that people with fake confidence only believe in themselves when they are winning or things are going their way. People with real confidence believe in themselves regardless of the outcome because they only focus on the things that they can control. Teach them that they can not control the grade that the teacher will give them after a test; they can only control how long they study and how well they prepare before the test. Teaching a child to be mentally tough is teaching them to focus on the things that they can control and to ask themselves honestly, “Did I do my best?” If they can answer yes. There next question should be, “What can I do differently next time?”

Compassion

7. Compassion is the universal language of feelings, emotions and morality. Teaching your child about compassion does not always include man-made laws and rules because these laws have created unspeakable conditions of human suffering such as slavery and what happened to the Jews. Teach your children that if they want to know how someone would feel or whether or not an act is right or wrong, tell them to ask themselves, “Do I want this to happen to me or someone I love dearly?” Their answer will connect them to the sincerest form of compassion that is connected to all of humanity.

Cassandra George Sturges MA, MA, Psy.D is a mother of two teenagers, a full-time psychology instructor, advice columnists for Today’s Black Woman Magazine, Seminar facilitator, author of “A Woman’s Soul on Paper” ISBN: 0595171435. Dr. Sturges is the author and publisher of Authentik Beauty Magazine. A 1 year subscription to Authentik Beauty Magazine is only $49.99 for 6 issues; mail request to: Authentik Beauty Magazine, P.O. Box 980679, Ypsilanti, MI 48197. Caution: Articles and clipart are sensuously and beautifully designed for a mature audience only. We accept cash, checks & all major credit cards. If you are seeking retail therapy or the perfect gift for someone else, I am an independent AVON representative, shop my website at http://csturges.avonrepresentative.com

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* Linguistic intelligence: Learning and using spoken and written language

* Logical-mathematical intelligence: Logically analysing problems, detecting patterns, reasoning.

* Musical intelligence: Performing, composing, and appreciating musical patterns.

* Bodily-kinaesthetic intelligence: Using the whole body or parts of the body to solve problems.

* Spatial intelligence: Recognizing patterns of wide space and confined areas.

* Interpersonal intelligence: Effectively working with others.

* Intrapersonal intelligence: Understanding self and feelings.

By using games and other activities in your classroom, you’ll be able to create a class period that explores various intelligences and reaches a variety of children instead of just the linguistic learners.

Additionally, it’s important to remember that preschoolers simply learn best through play. Just think about how preschoolers learn to count. They may count how many cars they have lined up or how many blocks they’ve stacked.

Here is an example of how to transform a mundane activity into an exciting game that stimulates the children’s imagination and encourages better retention of vocabulary. Imagine you are teaching colours. Tell your children they are pirates who have lost their treasure overboard and they must dive down and retrieve it. Spread coloured objects or cards around the floor. Demonstrate by taking in a big breath, hold your breath and dive down and pick up one of the coloured objects, then come up for air and ask the children to name the colour, or you name it, depending on whether you are doing a speaking or listening activity. Then tell the children which colours to dive down and collect. You could make it even more dramatic by dimming the lights when the children dive down and turning them up when they surface. The children can then sort the different coloured treasure by stowing it safely in treasure chests (boxes or bags – one for each colour).

Any paediatrician will tell you that the best way to encourage a large vocabulary in your children is to read to them everyday. For young children learning English you need super simple stories, and in an ideal world, stories that reinforce the language and vocabulary you are teaching in class. You can access a free ESL preschool story with games in the resource box below the article.

As well as using games and stories you’ll need to take into consideration a few other things:

* Preschool children have small attention spans so change your activities every five minutes or so because if they go longer than that, they’ll start getting restless and you’ll spend more time trying to keep their attention than actually doing the activity.

* Teach a small amount of language in any given session. For this age group, try to introduce three words at a time and then add to the list as you see the children understand the meaning of the words you’ve already introduced.

* Engage the children on multiple levels. This includes using fine and large motor movement, singing, talking, listening and looking. For example, you could have a game where the children need to move around the room to stand next to a picture or object of the word they heard you say.

* Competition in the preschool classroom causes undo stress on the children. Avoid playing games or doing activities that have winners and losers. Either have the class work together to “win” as a group or do not distinguish between winning and losing. On the same note, be sure to be supportive and encouraging to all of the learners in your class.

* Preschool children can get very excitable so vary excitable games with quiet ones to balance out the energy level in the classroom.

* Preschoolers are very visual. Bring in real objects whenever possible. When it is not possible, find colourful and vivid pictures.

* Preschooler children usually are not yet reading and writing (at least not to large extent) in their own language, so don’t expect them to do it in a second language. At this age, you can expect them to listen and understand first. After a while, they will begin speaking individual words and short phrases.

* Themes work well in the preschool classroom. Focus your vocabulary learning on groups of similar types of words such as foods, colours, numbers, animals, families and body parts. You can work in short phrases that are relevant to your theme.

* Be well prepared, plan more than you think you will use and move seamlessly from one game or activity to another. Use colouring or similar quiet activities when the children need some downtime.

* Repeat, review and revise. You need to frequently review the vocabulary that you’ve previously taught them or they will quickly forget it.

* If you have a particularly naughty or rough student in the class, keep him or her close to you. Ask him or her to be your special helper and be sure to give a lot of praise when you see him or her behaving appropriately.

Above all, just remember what you liked to do in school. If you were bored, you probably didn’t get much out of the class and the same is true for preschool and pre-k children. For free games and an illustrated story written for ESL preschoolers, visit the link in the box below the article. Help them have fun and before they know it, they’ll be learning!

Shelley Vernon has helped 1000s of teachers be an inspiration to their pupils Improve the effectiveness of your lessons and enjoy yourself more. Receive free preschool ESL games and stories now on http://www.teachingenglishgames.com/3-5.htm

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